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Why, every time I shut the window, I hurt somebody's fingers.""I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.""I had plenty of pimples as a kid. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.""In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.""I came from a real tough neighborhood. from moving cars.""I came from a real tough neighborhood. I knew he wasn't a professional; the knife had butter on it.""My cousin is gay; in school while other kids were dissecting frogs, he was opening flies.""My cousin is gay; he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.""My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.""I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.""My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.""One time my whole family played hide and seek. ' He told me to run off a cliff." "My old man, I told him I'm tired of running around in circles.So he nailed my other foot to the floor.""When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, ' I'm very sorry. But he pulled through.'""I come from a stupid family.To help the family scrape by, Rodney began selling ice cream on the beach and delivering groceries after school.

By the age of 19, Dangerfield was performing his act full-time under the stage name Jack Roy, which he later made his legal name. We did everything we could..he pulled through." I come from a stupid family. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. Rodney Dangerfield (formerly Jacob Cohen) was born on November 22, 1921, in Babylon, New York.He started performing stand-up comedy in his teens as "Jack Roy," but finding that comedy didn't pay the bills, he spent the 1950s working as a salesman.

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