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It doesn’t matter anymore, he says, so I suck in my breath and nod. I listen, and I do not laugh when my husband needs to secure the perimeter of our home each night. “I’m just another kid who got molested.” This breaks my heart to hear, but he’s not wrong about his story not being unique: The generally accepted estimate is that one in six men are sexually abused as children. Trav believes his story is too familiar to be interesting.Other topics included: being too ashamed to talk to anyone about what happened, the cycle of victimization, the fear of becoming an abuser (do boys who were abused become men who are abusive? It seems it has a lot to do with the way they perceive themselves as men, or being afraid of how others will perceive their manhood. Unfortunately, in our society, victim-hood is seen as the province of women and for men to acknowledge that they've been victimized to them is saying they aren't really "men." And this is a very unfortunate part of masculine socialization -- how we learn to be men.

My coat was still buttoned.“Now I know I spent nearly three years of my childhood at a boarding school not just with random pedophiles, but in a culture that allowed it.”As his wife, how do I respond? Search for Americana singers in our state, and Trav’s name usually tops the list. He defuses bar fights with humor and loads heavy gear with confidence in and out of dim back alley doors.“You’re so lucky,” women tell me after they hear him sing.There is a hum about Trav—Hawaiians call it “big mana”—so much so, people might be shocked to know about the other, darker parts of him.Our web site also has resources to help you along the way, and we encourage you to browse through the sections.Why 'survivors' instead of 'victims'? Some people prefer the term 'victims' but we use the term 'survivor' here.




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