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Healthy boundaries do not always come naturally or easily.We learn to “be” in all kinds of relationships by modeling.Communicating with a new dating partner is one of the most exciting experiences of a new relationship.Texting, calling, emailing, or messaging on social media with this new person can happen more frequently.As we grow into adolescents, we rely less on parents and more on our friends to help us define ourselves and our boundaries or limits in relationships.If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then chances are you have not learned how to set a boundary or even really know what it is.“Good fences make good neighbors”-Robert Frost What exactly is a boundary, when it comes to relationships?Simply put, a boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends. You are the gate keeper and get to decide who you let in and who you keep out, who you let into the whole back yard, or who you let just inside the gate.

Discussing your wants and needs early in a new relationship helps set the stage for healthy conversations when boundaries start to shift.There are three types of people who particularly need boundaries. DOORMATS~Some people have been raised to believe that martyrdom, self-denial and incessant caretaking are righteous virtues to be practiced to the point of misery.When people are doormats, they allow others to take advantage of them. ENABLERS~Then there are parents who want to make sure their children have everything they didn’t get, and they protected them from every problem and emotion.I had few boundaries to speak of and even less self-esteem…and I was willing to consider this treatment a fair price for being in a relationship. In fact, many people who are socially inexperienced – geeks and nerds especially – will have encountered all of these and more over the course of their relationships… Many will assume that these are just par for the course when it comes to relationships – platonic, romantic, or familial.

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