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Recovering addicts don’t expect perfection in their partners, having learned firsthand that it doesn’t exist.

They have learned critical relationship skills, including how to identify, process and communicate their emotions and to set personal boundaries while respecting the lines drawn by others.

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A thread posted by someone saying that her alcoholic ex replaced her with another woman who would drink with him (another alcoholic perhaps) caused me to start to wonder what happens when 2 alcoholics get together. Do they both fall down at the same time and just lie there cuz one isn't sober enough to get the other one up?

When it comes to delaying gratification, when it comes to "choosing" between "one step at a time" versus "all at once," thinking in terms of gradual and taking time to develop and being objective and realistic are not how addicts are wired. Most recovering addicts don't realize that admitting to being out of control and surrendering to their powerlessness, as having done so in Steps I and II, also apply to their emotions when dating and in early stage relationships.

The problem is not the relationship or the intimacy. Sex tends to increase one's level of emotional involvement and intensity of feelings, especially for women.




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It's also very unlikely that in the moment tumble weed is spiraling past you, you're thinking to yourself, "what a blessing this moment is! With a little space for reflection, often these dire, awkward moments can teach us something.